Beginner Guitar Lesson

I recently got my first guitar, a Fender Squire – a beginner guitar, apparently infamous for it's lack of quality. Naively exuberant, I showed it to my jazz cat friend, Damon. “Oh no man,” he groaned, staring, “tell me you didn't just get squired?” He then picked up the Fender and proceeded to ruin my day, showing me how the octaves didn't line up, how the action was lousy and the bridge rattled, and a few other things wrong with it that I couldn't understand.

“Thanks Damon,” I said, gritting my teeth, “thanks a lot.”

“Sure, no problem, he replied apparently not picking up on the irony. From that auspicious beginning, I set out immediately to get a beginner guitar lesson. Naturally, I began my search on the internet, where such services can be had for free, and immediately googled several thousand beginner guitar lesson sites. Absolutely worthless. I've never played a musical instrument before, and after watching a small image of some goateed dude strumming on his axe beside a diagram showing little numbers in circles which was supposed to somehow explain what he was doing, I can't say I was any closer to knowing how.

My first real beginner guitar lesson was actually from Damon. He smiled at me and glowered at the Fender, as if it was a hated ex of his I was now, unknowingly, dating. Now this was a real beginner guitar lesson – he even held my hand for me, and placed it on the strings. I found out what all of those numbers were in that supposed beginner guitar lesson video I had just watched: they were symbols to show me what frets to put my fingers on and even which fingers to use.

“So, when do I learn to rock,” I asked Damon as my beginner guitar lesson came to a close. Apparently my attitude irked him. “Well, if I give you some homework, you going to stick with them and practice?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Man,” I said, “I just want to play some songs.” He directed me to a tablature site on the internet, where I could download files on how to play all of the simplistic music which I adored to my hearts content. My first beginner guitar lesson was also my very last one. That didn't matter to me – I learned enough to play a little rock and roll, which is really all that I wanted.